Britney (aged 2)

Flirtatious, constantly playing up and telling fibs, hides in the rhododendrons to gain attention. Ambitious, but low IQ. Owned by Amphora.

Constance (aged 3)

Diminutive wife to Enoch. Mother and auntie goat to all. Modest, discreet and level-headed. A confidante and shoulder-to-cry-on for the younger goats. Her past looks are now a little faded but can still turn heads in the paddocks and pens.

Rubrik (aged 6 months)

Goat in the Dogg House. Confused and muddled-headed and often late for events. Poor timekeeping and general inattention leads to constant visits to the cooler (water tank beside the parrot shed) as punishment by Mrs M. Last Tuesday ate Mr Morello's dress trousers off the washing line.

Irrational and extreme dislike of Mrs Frobisher from No. 23. Great affinity to Rizzo.

Shakespeare (at least 7 but exact age uncertain)

Senior goat-in-residence. Unlike the other goats, not born on site. Acquired by Morello's Menageries in a job lot of beasts when Terry Shrimpton's "World of Critters" was liquidised in 2006 (see The Morello Letters for details of the induction ceremony, page 160).

Tall, dignified with long snowy beard and silky white coat. Quiet denizen of the stinging nettles and the rhubarb patch. Great devourer of books (eats several a week). Immensely distinguished and aloof air. Greatly respected by the other goats.

Enoch, or "TG" (Top Goat) (aged 4)

Mrs M's signature goat, totemic, adventurous and mischievous. Second only to Desmond the emu in Mrs Morello's affections.

Leader of the menagerie ruminants. The acme of goats across West Ealing. A legend. Rumoured to be half Toggenberg but has always denied it publicly.

Barry (deceased 1998)

Goat Emeritus of the Menageries. RIPP (resting in pumpkin patch). Also a TV addict especially Hawaii Five-O. Enjoyed shopping with Mr and Mrs Morello although never fully came to terms with the closure of Safeway's in Ealing Broadway and its replacement by Tresco's.

Favourite food: letters, telephone directories, underwear, tin cans.

Hermann (aged 1 and a half)

Likes to wander the house for titbits and cushions, socks etc to eat on an opportunistic basis. Great TV addict especially Lottery Sweep with Dale Winton and old editions of Rawhide on Channel 5. Used to enjoy attacking Ken Hampshire the postman in the front garden every morning and kicking and butting him slightly. Deeply affected when Mr Hampshire was retired injured. Upset at constant procession of temp posties. Couldn't eat his weetabix and brussels for several weeks. 
Believed by Mrs Morello to have eaten the winning lottery ticket for September 27. Nearly curried by Mrs M. The Tragi-goat. 

(See The Morello Letters pages 110 to 115 for correspondence exchanged by Mr Morello with Adam Crozier, (Head of the Royal Mail) and the Old English Goat Society).