Wednesday afternoon:  The tension is palpable across the menageries. Since the morning post arrived the Mrs, face like thunder, has been crashing around in the kitchen all day in her curlers, knocking up a massive pile of rock cakes (a perennial when in a strop), smoke pouring off the Belling Regale. Many of the beasts are hiding behind the sofa and up the chimney.

Meanwhile, in contrast, down amongst the pens a happy pastoral scene unfolds. A long line of the lady goats has been forming, the adoring queue headed by Britney, preening herself remorselessly. 

Yes, surrounded all morning by female admirers glowing in his reflected glory, holding court in the rhubarb patch, upright and proud, stands Enoch - the new “Face of Sainsbury’s (New Vegetable Range)”.  And murmuring up the garden from the rhubarb patch, then in through the open kitchen window to the Mrs’ smarting ears, wafts a steady refrain: constant talk of “strategy meetings” and “market share”, ”360-degree thinking” and “information cascades”.

And by the distinguished ruminant’s front offside hoof flutters the uneaten remnants of a crumpled letter from Sainsbury’s HQ:  “Dear Mr Enoch….. delighted you will be working with us……… as much rhizomes and pork scratchings as you can eat……… regrettably means we can’t afford a human face as well …….apologies to Mrs Morello etc  ……my very best wishes to Constance…..Yours most sincerely etc etc Geoffrey Snodgrass CEO”